Category Archives: self confidence

Resilience

There is a lot more in him than you guess, and a deal more than he has any idea of himself.

-Gandalf, speaking to the dwarves about his choice of Bilbo to be their burglar, in The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien.

Today (December 17, 2014) marks the release of the third and final movie installment of The Hobbit, directed by Peter Jackson, and perhaps our last film adaptation of Tolkien’s Middle Earth, unless someone tries to unravel The Silmarillion or tries to flesh out any number of short stories. I plan to see the movie (not today, or even this week -probably), because this story is such an important part of my literary life. I read The Hobbit for the first time as a 14 year old, then moved on to the LOTR Trilogy. I recently read it again (a couple of years ago, prior to the film releases), and was still amazed by its light-heartedness compared to the later trilogy – though the films are trying to invoke that more brooding environment.

My enjoyment of The Hobbit has always centered around Bilbo Baggins. He was written as such a likeable character and an everyman that readers (and I think, especially adolescents) could relate to. He wasn’t adventurous and had never sought out grand change – yet, he had the internal bravery to go beyond his comfort zone when faced with the choice. He wasn’t thought of as much of a warrior or a contributor to the dwarves group. He was very much an outsider, culturally and personality-wise. He didn’t fit their idea.

Bilbo Baggins, as depicted in the Rankin/Bass film production of The Hobbit (1977)

Bilbo Baggins, as depicted in the Rankin/Bass film production of The Hobbit (1977)

Yet Gandalf knew…and took a chance.

Either he knew something of Bilbo’s ancestry (as Tolkien suggests some of Bilbo’s ancestors were more adventurous hobbits – which made them something of a novelty to the culture) or he recognized something in Bilbo’s personality that made him appealing in the role of burglar.

Perhaps, it is because he was so small.

Perhaps, it was because he was so self-effacing.

Perhaps, it was because hobbits are generally resilient and self-preserving, yet light hearted.

Whatever the reason, Bilbo ultimately proves his worth to the group and grows in confidence by saving them from various situations until the dwarves accept him. He returns to his home at Bag-End a wiser, more confident hobbit.

And while he was also the fortunate finder of a ring of power and being literally invisible is much more useful than just being ignored, the ability of people to achieve things under unusual circumstances should never be underestimated. Certainly Bilbo had to prove himself, but he also was put in circumstances where he had to do something. He chose to help out Thorin and Company. His self-preservation didn’t win out. This is seen later in other hobbits in the trilogy: Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin all faced challenges and stepped in to do something.

That is the redeeming part of Tolkien’s Middle Earth Saga, that hobbits and other creatures (Ents?) viewed as unimportant tipped the balance and achieved great things.

Think about that.

bits and pieces

Just some quick observations from the past few days…

Tomatoes don’t ripen very fast in Ohio. I’ve mentioned that I have an extraterrestrial tomato plant growing in my back yard, and the fruit-bearing capacity is phenomenal, yet they’ve been green for the better part of a month. At this rate, we’ll be having fried green tomatoes for a week, come October.

Fried green tomatoes are better when you use corn meal and salt. I tried making some this week using MW Cornbread mix (the sweet kind)…not my best effort. I was trying to use what I had on hand…mistake.

The Rat Patrol was much more violent and “adult-themed” than I remembered. I used to watch this show as a kid – I think it was in syndication by that time though. A friend recently loaned me the DVDs because I wanted to binge-watch the show. While not gory in detail, it certainly has it’s share of gratuitous violence, mayhem, and innuendo.

The square metal spatula that you can buy from that mail order kitchen implement supplier (coddled…cook), has a resonant frequency at B-flat 2 octaves above middle C. Good to know if you are ever in need of a tuning pitch at a party or for spontaneous acapella singing in the kitchen. Make sure it’s clean though.

Re-tiling a small bathroom (WC) is not as daunting a task as I thought it was. Despite knowing the rule that the job will take twice as long as you think and cost twice as much, it wasn’t that difficult. I managed to complete it within a few weeks (I didn’t work on it every day, because it wasn’t a critical need toilet).

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I could have done it in a weekend if I were pressed for time. I think it looks nice. The most difficult thing was measuring and cutting the edge bits and pieces to fit the door jams. Still a few minor details to finish, beyond the flooring – but I am proud of the job.

Today’s song of the day is Chicago’s Feelin’ Stronger Every Day

Not so much for the lyrics – lots of oohs and yeah yeahs in there – but the spirit of the message and the uplifting sound and harmonies is just right.

omens of happiness

they seem to portend
a link,
just as paper clips,
pulled from the cup;
one is removed
another follows,

a chain created.

Or with only one,
compressing a stack
of paper, each page
containing an old poem,
sandwiched between
alighting smiles,
and upside-down songs.

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Today is the International Day of Happiness (declared by the UN)…

A link below from a blog, with various quotes about happiness.

http://interestingliterature.com/2014/03/20/20-quotations-from-writers-about-happiness/

‘A happy life consists not in the absence, but in the mastery of hardships.’ – Helen Keller

Have a frabjous day!

a lonely poem

this, the dim-light winter brings-
uncertain angst? -between the ease-
hoisted placards for all to see
that neither laugh nor blithely sing.

smudged, it looks out through murky panes,
at reflections flickering in the rain
its fabric stitched, retorn, and sewn
and still would morph it’s blood and bone.

words turn away from darkened doors
quiet clomps on hardwood floors,
with off-slant rhythms felt before.

just awaiting light conceived
in charcoal darkness, that gives reprieve
with slightly onamatopoeic schemes that knock
and awake the patchwork echos here
but deadbolts keep out hope and fear.

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This was an attempt to describe the dark feeling of not being good enough. Loneliness, especially in winter, can propogate fear. Spend time in the sun!

Happy 2014 and some other thoughts

As the years roll on, I get to the point where I never imagined their continuation. Like the year 2000. It seemed so daunting in my childhood, to imagine 3 zeros behind a 2. It seemed so far away in 1972, 1976, or 1982. And here we are in 2014, newly minted. I never even thought about this number. What about you? What years were key in your mind as “out there?”

A couple of years ago I posted some goals. Last year I didn’t. This year, I am newly inspired to achieve. And, since this blog mainly contains my writing life, these goals have more to do with writing than other aspects of my life.

1. Attend/participate in a writing workshop.

I’ve always wanted to do this, and have never found the time. Further, it is intimidating to share writing at this level…particularly poetry…which is most of what I do. Perhaps I need to branch out into other forms such as flash fiction, short stories, or something…

2. Restart my poetry submissions for journals – goal of being accepted to a “well-read” print journal.

I stopped submitting poems over a year ago, because, honestly, I don’t enjoy the rejection. But, I’ve found that I still have the itch to “make it” as a writer/poet…though I haven’t quite figured out how one makes a living doing that. (The key…I know… is to not obsess over how to make a living writing poetry, but to LIVE writing poetry. I sometimes forget that, but the fact that I am still trying to write after about 7 years of creating this blog tells me something about myself…and hopefully it doesn’t mean that I’m crazy).

3. Learn how to market myself.

Being an introvert makes this difficult, but I know that any successes in life come with hard work, lucky breaks, and knowing the right people at the right time. I’ve never been good at tooting my own horn, but typically rely on my work to speak for itself. I recognize that people don’t always work that way(though I think that they should).

In the past month, I’ve had some interesting discussions with my new-college-graduate son about following your passion in your career choices. At his young age, he seems to grasp how important that is. I’ve known it, but haven’t always remembered it. He inspires me with his self-awareness.

There are some interesting events planned for 2014, and hopefully these goals will find their way into my plans. And if you have any insight on how any of these goals could be accomplished…help me out…give me some suggestions, actually post a comment. I’d appreciate it.

And to you and yours, I wish you a wonderful 2014.

words of note

An aubergine sound
and a hollow bitter wind,
that portends of a sadness, lately then,
after the reign of summer’s end
and autumnal color,
red and yellow and their kin.

When joy is moved indoors to stand
the test of winter’s blunting hand,
bound with the melodies to hum
within your heart, with flute and drum.

Seeking clear, in midnight skies, between
the snowfall, when angels fly;
and you, among the ones that seek and pray,
wishing upon the stars to stay
awake and listen to the songs you sing
with words of note for every little, living thing.

Then rest your head and fall asleep
in dark and as lovely as woods are deep,
and echos of your song on air,
warm the bitterness to fair.

tonic

it’s not
that there aren’t many
good things to write about any more,
-just so many familiar combinations-
of dark and light,
closed and opened
leading and ending phrases,

that if I pen a melody
in the key of D minor,
I might just end
a song
on the supertonic,
where brooding
turns to joy,
in full measure.

Learning to walk

with small hands wrapped around
a father’s thumbs,
looking out onto a horizon
of -things-
yet undefined to a young mind
move to the edges
sounds and things,
as destinations.

Mommy claps.

Just yesterday, you would have lunged
on all fours,
but today you took that step
upright,
foot slung forward
slightly sideways,
and unsure of the placement of it.

Daddy holds on,

as a stride begets another,

and wanting to drop to the floor
you hang on to the moment
and balance
to repeat what you have learned.

Tomorrow, you run.

doppler collusion

speak the sound,
then it resonates back
in waves that traverse time,
sometimes delayed.

When I was a child,
I used a tape
recorder to
compose sounds
and mimic noises and
imitate voices from what I heard.

Then played them back.

They were old,
voices
from movies and
TV shows, trustworthy sounds
to my ear, both as I spoke them and
as they were played back to
me from the tape.

sometimes
Stan Laurel wouldn’t
come out the way I heard him
when I spoke,

and I realize now,
I was only six.

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NaPoWriMo 2013, Day 6